Mood Swings

I think everyone gets them, they can strike at any time and sometimes for seemingly no reason.

I find that they can come at the strangest of times, and for seemingly no reason.

Sometimes, like this evening, I get struck by a mood that I don’t fully understand, I find myself unable to find the motivation to do anything. Even if it is something I would usually enjoy doing.

This evening I found myself on the floor, without the motivation or emotional strength to move, I didn’t want to listen to anything, watch anything, speak to anyone or do anything.

I find that for me, I don’t know where the issue comes from, it just seems to arise from time to time and I have no way of getting rid of it.

I have no idea if this is a common thing that other people encounter or not, but if it is then that is possibly something that would be helpful to find out about.

I have no idea where I am going with this.

Probably because I am still in that mood.

Even writing these brief few words has been a struggle so far, and while I would love to turn around and say “Lets open a discussion about this.” I don’t know if I can even do that.

With any luck I’ll be able to say something more meaningful tomorrow.



The Rain

If I were the rain

I would fall only in the night

Coating only those

Who walk without light

Bind together our minds

Our hearts

Our fears

Because to onlookers

I would look like their tears

The day can only be

As warm as the sun lets it

Though the night is as warm

As the people who understand it

Who respect it

Those who appreciate the beauty of the darkness

They are those

Who see the falling drops

Not as a force of destruction

Not as a force of corruption

Not as a force of reduction

But a force of division

One that divides the Earth from Sky

Light from Dark

Good from Evil

These are the people

Whom would understand me

If I were the rain.



Its been a long time since I tried writing poetry.

Looking back, the last time I actually gave it a proper go was about three years ago, and they were all depressing and and a bit dreary.

The issue I take is that poetry has such a wide variety of forms, and, despite the fact that I studied poetry in various forms for about a year back when I was still in school, I still find it strange.

For me and my simple mind, when I read poetry I expect it to have a set flow and rhyming pattern to it, You know, Like A,A,B,B or A,B,A,B something like that. (I’ll skip the obvious ABBA joke)

As a result of my simplicity, almost every poem that I have previously attempted to write, bar maybe one, has adhered to one of the really basic rules.

However with today’s I attempted to break through the barriers I put before myself.

Truth be told, even though I am rather pleased with the end result, I think I will stick to what I so far enjoy doing, and get the impression I am getting better at.


Be they for my short stories, longer stories, posts or even the Webcomic I want to start on soon, I always have ideas for something or other flowing through my mind.

I think what stemmed the thoughts behind the poem I wrote today was a feeling of loneliness. Well, actually not loneliness so much, I’ve grown used to being solitary, but I think the fact I feel this true wanting to do this webcomic idea, but being unable to draw properly, or use computer drawing software at all really, puts me in a bit of a bind, what’s the use of having the creative juices if they are unable to flow?

Of course, having the ability to write is incredibly useful, but when it comes to story writing, I’m usually lacking on the plot, I mean, I’m great with developing characters and working out the small details, but I guess its something I need to work on.

I think I’ll put up the poem as a separate post, it seems like a more sensible thing to do.

That’s all.


Four Mugs

I cleaned four of my mugs today.

Some people think I am unusual because of my antics involving the way I treat my tea mugs, but lets face facts here, I am unusual for far more reasons than that, this mug thing, that’s just the tip of the iceberg so to speak.

The way I function is pretty basic at its core, I make a cup of tea, drink it, and then use the same mug to make another one maybe an hour later.

Sometimes the gap isn’t even that long.

I think the thing that bothers people though, is that I don’t tend to wash it between drinks, they can go weeks without getting a thorough scrubbing. In fact the mug I kept at work managed to go for over two years, rinsed every time of course, I’m not a complete slob, but not scrubbed.

But this evening I scrubbed down all four of the mugs I use. (I have a Fifth but its presently full of salt sachets)

I admit they look a lot nicer now.

I would chalk my reasoning for for doing this down to three main reasons.

– Try as hard as I can to be productive all the time, I’m often lazy as fuck.

– The tea actually tastes better in my opinion when the mug is like this.

– I just don’t care what the people who see it think.

I have somehow managed to assert myself within the workplace as the cheerful, amusing and relaxed person, when, in reality, I’m pretty far from being any of them.

My nature has somehow become so that when around people, no matter who they are, I become like this. I mean the fact that I don’t take issue with how strange people think I am is pretty true, but the reason I became this way initially was more of a defence mechanism anyway.

Although I wouldn’t change it.

Being this person has allowed me to view people and observe them from a safe distance, while being as close as I like. I am exposed for my weird antics, and as they see that I am confident in my strange eating habits or pathetic sense of humour, they open up and expose themselves.

I know that this makes me seem like a cold and callous individual, forcing them to expose while I stay hidden, and while this may have been true initially, as I have grown, been beaten down, and learned, my strange personality and traits have become my own.

It may be seen as acting, but its pretty much who I am.

The mugs and my lack of cleaning them just showcase a little bit of who I am, and while I am cheerful around people, I get pretty miserable on my own. I’m amusing to myself because no one else finds my jokes funny. Relaxed is a strange one, because in reality I am, unless something catches me off balance.

For me, when things are at there clearest, is when I am the happiest.

My mugs now look beautiful, but only so long as I let them.


Fleece Vs Hoodie

Since I was about 17, I think very few days have gone by that I haven’t worn a fleece.

My initial one was dark blue and I gained it initially for use during my Duke of Edinburgh expedition. After which I just kept on wearing it on a daily basis. Probably due to a range of reasons.

-It was comfortable.

-It had three zippable pockets, all of a fairly decent size.

-It was warm without being too thick.

Eventually my friends in College got tired of seeing it everyday and bought me a new one, a mild grey, and though I didn’t wear it as often as the blue one, I still own both.

Then, when I first started working, they provided me with one. It was a similar feel to the first two, which was a huge plus, and though it was completely black, it was still able to not be too warm in summer.

And, although unlike my first one, it only had two pockets, the design of them meant that I could store items in the section that is, to all intents and purposes, outside the pocket. easily able to store at least three A5 notepads, or, to put it a little more in perspective, 6 DVD cases without breaking a sweat.

However, during the colder winter months, having a jumper underneath on the way to work (My work shirt is quite thin) certainly doesn’t go amiss.

It was at about this time last year that I lost three jumpers, all within quick succession of each other.

-The first I spilled milk on while on a night shift, and as I knew it would have dried up and stank before I would have been able to get home to wash it, I binned it. (So I guess not lost Per-Se)

-The second I left in the car of someone who gave me a lift, and I never saw that one again.

-The third, which was easily my favourite of the bunch, I left in a restaurant I went to, and when I went back too fetch it the next day they had already gotten rid of it. (This one was a nice dark green, I had owned it for years and even spilled a little dab of orange paint on it, though that didn’t change my feelings for it.)

So this year, with the mornings being colder again, I decided it was time to replace them.

With a How To Train Your Dragon style, Toothless Hoodie.

I don’t even care, I think its awesome.

The trouble is, I have never owned a Hoodie. At least, not that I can remember. The hood felt weird pressing against the back of my neck, and having it up on my head just felt wrong, and even though I knew I was fully covered and it kept me warm, I still felt exposed.

I’m wondering if this feeling simply comes from my being so used to Fleece’s, so I am hoping that I will grow used to it somewhat.

Though it is warm, and that is what is important, although I admit I had to keep checking my pockets every few seconds to make sure nothing had fallen out. (Nothing did)

But I will make every effort to get used to wearing it, because I think its awesome, and I don’t even care that people may think it is weird.


See ya.


The Oath to Order the Moon

I like to look at the moon.

When I am waiting for the bus, or walking at night, I just like to spend a few minutes gazing up at it.

When I first played though the Zelda game Majora’s Mask, I heard the musical piece Oath to Order for the first time, and to this day it is still one that stands out to me as being beautifully produced.

Now there is a particular remix of Oath to Order that I think is brilliant to listen to, a dubstep version by a Youtuber under the name Mike Vader. And this is the version I enjoy listening to when I gaze at the Moon.

There is something about the calming ambiance of that particular piece of music, combined with the glittering beauty of the Earth’s Satellite that I just find so calming and relaxing.

Something I find fascinating about the Moon is just how bright the Moon appears to us, almost a bright white, despite its actual colouring being an almost asphalt grey. Of course there are scientific reasons for this and it can all be explained one way or another using various hypothesises and scientific knowledge.

And I acknowledge this.

I actually really enjoy looking up and researching things I don’t know, simply to find them out.

In fact, I found out its very easy to fool people into thinking you are smarter than you are just by knowing a few facts on various different subjects, not only does it allow you to always have at least one thing to say no matter what the conversation, but you may wind up learning something that the others don’t know, and that can be very impressive.

Needless to say, I try to take full advantage of this.

I guess the point of this is that I, for some reason, suddenly started to see an undying beauty in an object that we all see most nights. (and indeed, often during the day too.)

Someday I would like to write something revolving around the Moon. By which of course I mean write something set either on or near the Moon, not write something and then launch the paper into orbit.

Though I admit the latter would probably get me in at least one newspaper.

Until next time.


I Drink Warm Liquids

Yesterday I went out an bought 1500 Tea-bags.

Feeling thirsty, I had filled the kettle and waited as it boiled. Then, once it had done, gone and fetched my mug. It was at this moment that I came to the realisation that we actually had none, so I went down to the shop for a browse.

Now one thing that I, like most others, am aware of, is that bulk-buying makes for cheaper long term purchases, so I started looking at the larger packets.

As I looked, I think for the first time I realised just how many brands there were, most of which I have had before and liked, so I became unsure as to how to decide.

Eventually I made the decision to just buy all the ones I liked, which resulted in four different packets, and four different brands.

At this point I became slightly curious as to just how many I had in my basket, I calculated that I held 1420.

I think at this point I just felt like pushing the boundaries a bit further, and searched for a pack with 80 in. And quickly found it, on offer, an absolute bonus.

Today I began to ponder over how long these would last, and started to consider how many I would use a day. It became quite difficult to judge, as I drink less on days when I am working, (obviously) so had to ponder over the average.

On a typical morning I have three cups before going to work, but then, depending on what time I finish, I could have anywhere between only two more, or possibly up to five.

So I set an average of seven per day, for myself alone. taking into account how much is drank not by me, I gave a quick estimate and rounded up to eleven per day.

1500 at 11 per day comes to about 135, which means about 19 or so weeks. so I expect to have to restock about halfway though June, or there and there abouts.

So I suppose I will give an update on the Tea situation around then.

For now, I have nothing else to add to the story.