Uninventive Ramblings

A topic of Marriage


I think this may be the first time I try to make an effort to talk about something important.

“Do you have a girlfriend.”

I don’t get asked the question frequently, but whenever I do get asked it, and I give the simple answer of; “No, I don’t” the most common response I get is something along the lines of, “Better off alone.” “Save your money” or “Yeah good on you.”

So, I would like to raise a point on this matter.

My reasons for being single are not in an effort to save any money or because I think it’s better that way. I am single because I am to terrified and shy to ask a particular woman out. By that I mean meet for a drink, you know, just to chat, that sort of thing. I mean I admittedly have no idea as to whether or not she would even be willing to accept my offer.

Is that the scary part?

Kind of. I mentioned in my last post how I feel about the idea of relationships, and what it is about them that terrifies me. So, you couple that, with the fact that the woman in question is far too good for me, and you can connect the dots as to why I am too nervous to fully say anything.

Right, now that that is out of the way, back to the matter at hand.

I spoke to a woman the other day who, from what I could take away from our brief chat, was that she was a recent divorcee, and she commented on how she “had felt she would better off single, but should have stayed married.” (I paraphrase)

But honestly, this is a testament to the current view that seems to be going.

“I’ll be happier in a relationship.” “I’ll be happier single.”

And while yes, it is a possibility, it seems that what I hear a lot of is people wanting the opposite of what they have.

What is it people say? The grass is always greener on the other side. But only because it has been fertilised with bullshit.

I feel like I’m treading on shaky ground here, but what the heck, sometimes you have to tread on toes to make a point right?

So I think that all can be a good thing. Yes it can be good to be in a relationship, or married, while at the same time it can also be good to be single. I’m not putting more emphasis on any, because provided they are used right, all can be brilliant.

But I do feel a little that if you think you will be happier outside of a relationship, and leave solely for that purpose, you may struggle.

Obviously situations can vary and I don’t want to generalise, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

My friend Diamond (whom I mentioned once before under the name ‘Curls’) and I were discussing the idea of relationships and wives the other day. One of the things he said to me was that he views the idea of a relationship and marriage as the next big step for him, as he is a working professional with a full career. (Something I admit I don’t have yet.)

But for me, that line of thinking makes sense, and I am more than happy to support him in his search, much as I know he is supportive of mine.

The impression I get from the culture I live in, more so in my old work place than my current one, is that getting married young seems to be incredibly frowned upon, while a bloke in my position would be expected to, excuse my lingo, ‘play the field’ and ‘just enjoy it’

But honestly, I just don’t see the appeal behind that.

Within my church environment there are a good number of younger couples, and though it tries it’s hardest to treat both the same, there seems to be a bit of an unspoken and unwritten rule that single people seem to gain slightly less notice than the married ones, though I’m certain this isn’t an intentional thing. Given a brief topic of conversation I had the other night.

But all in all, even given how some work places frown upon it, I am all for the idea of marriage at a younger age.

Just to make this clear, when I say ‘Young’ or ‘Younger’ I’m still talking consenting adults, I just mean those at around my age, 21-24, that kind of area.

Personally, I don’t know if right now I could properly handle being married, maybe within the next year or so, but nothing is set in stone, and given that I still have to approach with even a shred of confidence, I think it may still be a way off.

Still, please feel sorry for whoever my wife ends up being, she will need all the sympathy she can get.

I think that’s it for now.