Success

What would people define success as?

I get the impression that some would put success down as a good career. others may say fame, others might want the large house and the money.

Then there are some for whom success is more along the lines of happiness, and depending on who you are and your mindset, happiness could come with some of the above, or possibly even viewing the family life as being a successful one.

Obviously I can’t list all the different types of success on here, partially because I don’t know them all and don’t really want to list everything. But more so because I don’t want to go into this topic in that way. Because I want to talk about what this Blog actually is, within the confines of the topic of success.

Now I mentioned in my last post about the YouTube channel I hope to set up, but that links together with topic of success too.

Three tier creative project for me is as follows.

1- This Blog.

2- My deviantart account.

3- YouTube.

The Blog’s main purpose is to inform, to talk about topics that I feel matter or that are important to me, or sometimes because I hope there are people out there with a similar view or mindset to me. My Deviantart account is there because I really like to draw and am hoping to get back into it again, as well as I have hopes to turn one of my short stories into a web-comic and upload it onto there. And if the Channel’s purpose goes according to plan, it will become a source of what will hopefully be useful information to at least a few people.

So, bringing back the topic of success.

My hopes for the three sites are that people will find them either interesting or informative. Now I acknowledge that I am still in the early days and am basically still getting started, but I will consider myself a success when someone gets something out of them.

I’m not talking a life changing experience from reading something I have put (Though lets not rule that out) but if at some point someone reads a post, or sees a picture that I  have uploaded, and goes away thinking about how they never thought of it that way before, then I shall consider myself a success.

Now I would consider myself a pretty mediocre person, and I guess with that my dreams and aspirations are pretty average, I won’t say small, because I think personally that they are pretty big, but others just might not. I think like a lot of people I would like to end up with a career, a good job at the end. More so about the feeling of being challenged than the monetary side of things, although financial security is obviously important, given that another of my dreams is to one day have a wife, maybe a couple of children. Many years down the line it feels of course, but always bears thinking about.

Now, I said the word mediocre before because of the nature of myself, I think I can honestly say that I have never excelled at anything, I have always been surrounded by people who are incredibly gifted in one way or another, but myself, haven’t been. Although with that comes the ability to quickly learn to do pretty much any task, but I will never excel at it.

So how can I talk about success? How can I, a self proclaimed non-exceller, talk about being a success?

I suppose I can’t.

We live in a very individualistic society, where we are told. “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

Do I believe that? No. I don’t.

You need more than just the willpower. you need the time, you need the inspiration, and this isn’t just inspiration to get started, getting started is easy. You need inspiration to keep pushing you, always be on the lookout for more. And as I said in my last post, you need a little support.

So, what can I say?

I’m not a success yet, but I have the four things I need to become one.

So the only bit of advice (If you can call it that) to becoming a success are these four things.

Four things you will need a constant supply of. Determination/Willpower, Time, Inspiration, and Support.

I wish you all the best.

Work hard, I’ll be rooting for you.

Uninventive

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I Was Created

After consideration (of some kind) I felt that the best way of getting one (or maybe more in future) of my short stories up on here was to simply add them as a link at the end, now the question is more one of, will it actually work, and then if it does, what font size should I use?

I suppose experimentation is the only true step forwards from here. So I’ll post it at the end.

But before then I want to say a couple of meaningless-ish things.

On the first of February I wrote a post about the amount of tea-bags I bought, and I calculated that I would run out partway through June. Well I was about right, as I ran out a couple of weeks ago, so yay me, right? I haven’t bought as many recently, although that’s mainly been down to the hot weather recently. I’m so glad that’s almost over.

Now, this next point is rather important as far as I am concerned, but some of you may find it boring, so please bear with me, as I’ll need a few sentences to really get any traction.

A couple of months ago I created a Youtube channel with the intention of, rather obviously, putting up videos. The name of the channel was created in mind of this Blog, with the hope of linking them together. That name has now become what I like to think of as my writing name. I’m not going to fully state it however until I’ve actually gotten some traction on the matter, and who knows when that might actually happen.

But the problem I had was getting traction with what I actually wanted to do with it, I had a few ideas up in the air, and I still do like the idea of maybe doing a lets-play or something along those lines.

But, what I really want to do, is Biblical teachings.

This may bore some of you, but I am really excited, and it’s what I really want to do.

My plan is to go through the book of Ephesians, one chapter at a time, and do half hour videos on what can be leant or taken away from it, hopefully reaching people who haven’t encountered it before.

And if all goes well I may do some other types of videos too, play it by ear I suppose.

It will probably be a couple of months before I actually get them recorded and online, I have to do a lot of prep work for this and really want to get it right.

Sorry this post has been so short, I just wanted to make you all aware of the situation.

I have added the short story below, hopefully it is to your liking, and hopefully it is actually legible.

I was created

Take care

Uninventive

A topic of Marriage

I think this may be the first time I try to make an effort to talk about something important.

“Do you have a girlfriend.”

I don’t get asked the question frequently, but whenever I do get asked it, and I give the simple answer of; “No, I don’t” the most common response I get is something along the lines of, “Better off alone.” “Save your money” or “Yeah good on you.”

So, I would like to raise a point on this matter.

My reasons for being single are not in an effort to save any money or because I think it’s better that way. I am single because I am to terrified and shy to ask a particular woman out. By that I mean meet for a drink, you know, just to chat, that sort of thing. I mean I admittedly have no idea as to whether or not she would even be willing to accept my offer.

Is that the scary part?

Kind of. I mentioned in my last post how I feel about the idea of relationships, and what it is about them that terrifies me. So, you couple that, with the fact that the woman in question is far too good for me, and you can connect the dots as to why I am too nervous to fully say anything.

Right, now that that is out of the way, back to the matter at hand.

I spoke to a woman the other day who, from what I could take away from our brief chat, was that she was a recent divorcee, and she commented on how she “had felt she would better off single, but should have stayed married.” (I paraphrase)

But honestly, this is a testament to the current view that seems to be going.

“I’ll be happier in a relationship.” “I’ll be happier single.”

And while yes, it is a possibility, it seems that what I hear a lot of is people wanting the opposite of what they have.

What is it people say? The grass is always greener on the other side. But only because it has been fertilised with bullshit.

I feel like I’m treading on shaky ground here, but what the heck, sometimes you have to tread on toes to make a point right?

So I think that all can be a good thing. Yes it can be good to be in a relationship, or married, while at the same time it can also be good to be single. I’m not putting more emphasis on any, because provided they are used right, all can be brilliant.

But I do feel a little that if you think you will be happier outside of a relationship, and leave solely for that purpose, you may struggle.

Obviously situations can vary and I don’t want to generalise, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

My friend Diamond (whom I mentioned once before under the name ‘Curls’) and I were discussing the idea of relationships and wives the other day. One of the things he said to me was that he views the idea of a relationship and marriage as the next big step for him, as he is a working professional with a full career. (Something I admit I don’t have yet.)

But for me, that line of thinking makes sense, and I am more than happy to support him in his search, much as I know he is supportive of mine.

The impression I get from the culture I live in, more so in my old work place than my current one, is that getting married young seems to be incredibly frowned upon, while a bloke in my position would be expected to, excuse my lingo, ‘play the field’ and ‘just enjoy it’

But honestly, I just don’t see the appeal behind that.

Within my church environment there are a good number of younger couples, and though it tries it’s hardest to treat both the same, there seems to be a bit of an unspoken and unwritten rule that single people seem to gain slightly less notice than the married ones, though I’m certain this isn’t an intentional thing. Given a brief topic of conversation I had the other night.

But all in all, even given how some work places frown upon it, I am all for the idea of marriage at a younger age.

Just to make this clear, when I say ‘Young’ or ‘Younger’ I’m still talking consenting adults, I just mean those at around my age, 21-24, that kind of area.

Personally, I don’t know if right now I could properly handle being married, maybe within the next year or so, but nothing is set in stone, and given that I still have to approach with even a shred of confidence, I think it may still be a way off.

Still, please feel sorry for whoever my wife ends up being, she will need all the sympathy she can get.

I think that’s it for now.

Uninventive

For Birdie and Curls

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past.

I’ve said before that I don’t want this to just become an outlet for when I am in a down mood, or just a depressing string of posts, but I suppose sometimes this can’t be avoided.

I only really bring this up because I’ve been reviewing a lot of things recently, the thoughts of most of which were brought on by the topic of a conversation I had at work today.

I can’t be a good blogger or even conversationalist without being at least somewhat open. So here goes.

I had a discussion today with my two closest workplace friends and colleagues. (By which I mean they are both) about a young woman I happen to be rather drawn towards. (I’m weakly avoiding being two blunt here)

One of them already knew who it was, having worked it out, either from my lack of subtlety or picking up on something I hadn’t, maybe even both. The other doesn’t know who, but it pretty adamant on finding out. (Tomorrow if things go as I expect them to)

Now, with these two being my closest workplace fiends I am more than happy to keep them in the loop, and to let them know what goes on.

My true issues stem from a much deeper place.

I am terrified of the prospect of a relationship.

My first and only one, lasted about a year and a half, and ended nearly two years ago now, but the repercussions still last.

I had no idea what I was doing at the time, and to be honest, feel that if I were to enter another one, still wouldn’t. I made so many mistakes, hurt her dramatically, and then it took me a long time afterwards to actually begin to learn from what I did.

When it first ended, I felt vulnerable, and was actually able to let my emotions surface for the first time in a long time. But now I’m beginning to understand, the vulnerability that I felt back then, is nothing compared to what I feel now.

The prospect of opening up again, I don’t know how I feel about it.

During the last six months or so, maybe a little longer, of my former relationship, I started to transform into a truly horrible person.

And the worst part of this, is some of him still remains.

I  know that people change over time, I am aware that the events around us change how we think, how we act, how we respond to things. But looking back, the way I responded, the way I acted during certain times, both towards her, but actually I think even more so towards my own family, was just disgraceful.

And I will forever be haunted by these, some events that happened almost two years ago I can still remember clearly, I recall the events and even more so than that, I recall the aftermath.

You can’t undo the past.

I suppose the only way forward is to learn from it and move on.

The trouble for me is, I didn’t realise at the time what was going on with me, the changes I was undergoing, because I was so blinded.

And that’s the main thing that frightens me now.

I’m terrified that if I go through with this, I’ll be blinded again, and the sheds of horrible Unin will grow to become a fully fledged awful Unin.

So how do I progress?

I know that one of my work friends already approves the match, the other just wants to validate I guess.

But that’s okay with me.

So I put out the question, to the empty abyss of the internet.

How should I, Unin Ventive progress with this?

I have a lot of apologies to make, most of which won’t happen, either through my own pride (I’m working on it) or though a lack of seeing the person again.

But if I were to see her again, I would be open in my apologies. I would admit to the mistakes I had made, for the hurt I caused. For the times I should have just swallowed my pride and admitted I was wrong, and for the times I didn’t show her the respect she deserved.

I think I will ask this young woman out, as soon as I can work up the courage, and find the right time, and actually work out if she could actually even be interested in the first place.

Having my two work friends by my side is certainly going to help with this though, and so I am incredibly grateful to have the both of them, Birdie and Curls, you two are great.

I’ll see you soon

Uninventive

Updates

In the words of GlaDOS, “It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

The last time I posted anything on here was over a month ago, and I’ve been meaning to come back on-line and say something else, It just, kinda hasn’t happened.

There have been a few times when I have had something on my mind to post, but most often it’s been when I’ve been out and about, or just in a really bad mood, and I don’t want this to just become an outlet for when I am upset, although I admit it is useful for that purpose.

So, without further ado, a few quick and meaningless updates.

– I recently went away for a week, down to near Lands End, got a few nice pictures and also got a little burnt. But more importantly, saw two of the most beautiful coast scenes I have ever seen. St Ives, and Lands End itself. St Ives has a beauty that I honestly don’t think can be compared to anything else I have ever seen. The buildings aren’t on the coastline, they are almost a part of it. I can’t even do it justice with words. Lands End was also incredible to look at, though in a different way, as it is mostly cliff.

– I have also written three short stories recently, which I plan on entering into a competition within the next few days. I don’t want to say much about them as they have to be unpublished and so on, you understand. But I will say who the protagonists are. Story One, the protagonist is an Elevator. Story Two, the protagonist is a Subconscious. And Story Three, the protagonist is a Painting. Once the competition has ended I will probably post them up here.

– I am still tinkering around with my recording and editing software, as myself and a couple of buddies have decided to use our gaming time slightly more productively, and share it with those of the on-line community who are interested in watching. At the moment I am still trying to find an editing software I can work with, as I am not exactly the most literate person when it comes to computers.

– In conjunction with the above statement, I am in the throws of linking together all of my different pages and accounts and so forth. Linking this Blog with my Deviantart account, and my hopefully upcoming Twitter and Youtube, as I want this to all be linked and easily transverse-able.

Nothing else particularly springs to mind that I need to update you all on.

If anything comes to mind though of course I will attempt to be prompt in informing you all. And if I can get around to it I plan on actually posting on here frequently again.

Stay Frosty

Uninventive

Eclipse

It’s okay for me to be disappointed with today’s solar eclipse right?

I sat outside for just over an hour, camera poised, and yet saw next to nothing. I had the radio playing nearby so I had a rough idea of when the peak coverage was supposed to be. and yet there seemed to be very little change to the overall brightness of the sky, and the whole event seemed rather underwhelming.

I think this is the only time I’ve managed to be disappointed by nature.

Usually I see or hear something that isn’t crafted by mankind and find myself in awe of it.

And it isn’t like I got the day or time wrong, because when I checked the TV in the main room they were showing live coverage, and I could see that other places were getting a truly breathtaking sight.

The Sun is an incredible thing, and even through in my day to day life I don’t tend to play it much heed, on a good day it is possible to feel its intense power first hand. Its a force to be reckoned with. Its an amazing beautiful thing, even if its hard to actually pay attention to or observe.

the Moon is a similar kind of story. I’ve done a post on it before about its intense beauty.

The two coming together is a spectacular event, so even through I was slightly disappointed with what I witnessed, I know a lot of people actually got to see it fully and truly. and I envy them.

Just having had a closer look at the images I took, I can see when the Eclipse was at its peak, and with careful looking its possible to see that the moon didn’t shadow the sun, but the light seemed to bend around it, the light at the edges was so bright that it overpowered the shadow.

Although I admit its a little irritating to seemingly be in the only place in the country where witnessing a dusky darkness didn’t happen. But I suppose I can do some research and be prepared for the next one.

Uninventive

Decisions

We all make them, not all are concious, and most of them are so trivial that we don’t even view them as the choice that they were. But this doesn’t make them any less important.

I made the decision to be lazy and not bother uploading anything on here for over a month. Whether or not I like that conclusion is irrelevant, it was made.

It took me a long time to realise and discover fully for myself that, the majority of the time, most decisions are for the most part positive, even if the connotation behind them is not what it first seemed. Now obviously I’m not going to start up the debate on the differences between “Everything happens for a reason” and “There are no mistakes, only life lessons.” I think that treading into that ground is like walking on an ice rink. You know the ice is there and therefore argue that because you can see it, you won’t slip. But the inevitable truth is, you will.

I’m not a psychologist, Sociologist, or anything with a background in how the mind works and how we process the things around us. Heck, half the time, I have no idea how to process my own thoughts. Most of my decision time is spent making the decision to think about the decision at hand, and then not really coming to a conclusion. (Obviously this is more so for the larger ones, I don’t spend an hour a day thinking about what socks to wear.)

I’m not going to pretend that I know what I’m talking about here, I feel that a good number of people, when faced with a big decision ahead, will talk to someone, not necessarily to get advice, but just sometimes because it is useful to gain other perspectives.

Sometimes, to an over-thinker such as myself, it’s easy to feel trapped, going over every possible angle and trying to measure everything up. This for me falls quite nicely into the “No mistakes” philosophy, although I tend to wind up viewing it the other way around. That every possible decision is just a mistake waiting to happen, a problem that my narrow mind will just dig deeper and make worse.

One of the easiest things to do when struck with this is to sit and wallow. And I do that, a lot. I’m good at it.

So, can I offer a solution, or even some form of answer to the plights of this topic? Absolutely not.

In fact I’m willing to make the speculation that most people out there are better at the practicalities of decision making than I am. Of course everyone has different situations and backgrounds that affect how they perceive things, some may not be as free to make as many as others.

Some people are better at making on the spot decisions and are good at thinking on their feet, while others are better when they have time to think things through. and there are others in between. I don’t think there is a set or ‘proper’ way of looking at them, just embrace the way that you do.

I stated a few posts back how I am with poetry, but there has been some I have written in the past, more as an outlet when I’ve been in a down kind of mood. Some of it fits quite well with the emotions of a decision-less struggle. Well, at least if I chop and change.

I can offer no advice nor answers. Only rant into the empty abyss that is the internet.

And I enjoy the feeling of getting it out there, not looking for anything back, not even expecting people to read it. Just the knowledge that it is there.

To all the Uninventive-ettes out there, just do your best.

Uninventive