I can’t think of a title

Is it important to always have something to say?

I tend to go through phases with this blog, sometimes posting twice a week, at other times, taking an entire month off. I’m completely erratic with when I want to say something, and its more or less just when I feel I have something to say. Not necessarily something of any value, but just something in general.

Which begs the question, is it important to always have something to say?

I ask this because I’m almost feeling bad for having not posted anything in about three weeks, which actually feels like an exceptionally long time now I think about it. (Although lets face facts, It really isn’t all that long)

But the fact that I feel bad about not having had anything to say for the past few weeks tells me, or, more so helps confirm something about myself. I really like to be creative and have something to show for my time, thus why I seem to have all these different things on the go all at the same time. However this creates problems on two fronts; so many different things tends to mean I rapidly switch between them, making slow progress with each individually. The other problem stems from procrastination, and as I switch between my differing projects, I spend days doing nothing in between.

So If I have nothing to show for my time, it really puts a slump in my mood and brings me down, so usually I make a rule that if I am not at work, I have to do at least one productive thing throughout it. By productive here I mean something I have to show for my time, be it stitching, a bit of writing, drawing or sometimes just sorting things out. Something I can look at afterwards and feel at least a small sense of accomplishment.

So back to my previous question. I am one of those people that fluctuates rather rapidly, sometimes I don’t really care for saying anything and am more likely to just sit and listen, while at others I would quite easily talk for hours about something you couldn’t care less about.

But do I think its important to always have something to say?

Now this may just be my introverted, quiet nature speaking (In fact it definitely is) But I think I can honestly say no, It isn’t all that important, in fact sometimes its really helpful to just sit back and observe.

Through 2014 I think its safe to say I did a lot of stuff, I went on weekend trips multiple times, as well as taking four short trips away (Though to only two places, I just went to each one twice) I completed two short stories as well as revamping and restarting two of my older projects. suffice it to say I moved around a lot and kept myself incredibly busy.

This year has been less dramatic, I’ve been away once (Admittedly further and for longer) completed one (main) short story and done a few fresh drawings. Couple those with this blog, and I have done a good amount. The main difference being that I’ve been more relaxed and not tried to force anything.

This year has been far more relaxed, and I think I have taken more in, just because I allowed myself the chance to take it all in, I’ve read more, watched more (I fell in love with so many movies this year it’s unreal) but doing all this has allowed new waves of inspiration to smack me in the face.

So not always having something to say can be great for the system.

There is quite a famous quote related to this, that reads; “The Earth has music for those who listen.”

I think it extends further than that though. Admittedly I, like many, have fallen victim to the general feeling of rushingness and ignoring everything around me, hardly ever just taking the time of day to just stop and listen, or sometimes even think. But it extends further in the sense of not only does the earth have the music, but other people do too.

Everyone expresses themselves in different ways, but for the most part we only seem to listen to or see those who express themselves directly, as opposed to through other means.

Something I love to do is listen to movie soundtracks, they are often fantastic but overshadowed by the movie itself, but there is a lot of expression in there that is often missed. Some of these composers pour their heart and soul into the sounds they produce. While Fullbright company produced one of the most compelling and expressive games I’ve ever played in the form of Gone Home.

Now I’m not saying that these will be the right steps for everyone, nor am I trying to rope people into trying to do things the way I do. What I am trying to say however, is just to sometimes just slow down, stop speaking, and see what it around you that you find inspiring.

After all, you never know what you might find out there.

this has been a little longer than usual, my apologies.

Stay frosty.

Uninventive

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Does writing matter?

Why do I write?

The other day I was struck with inspiration for a new idea for a short project to write. I haven’t gotten round to it yet as I’ve been rather busy but, I did make notes on it so when I do get started it is all prepped and ready.

But this did get me thinking, what are my reasons for writing? What are my goals?

So, I want to narrow my writing forms into two categories.

Writing for ideas. and Writing to be read.

Now this may seem a bit strange, but rest assured, I am going to explain what I mean.

Firstly, Writing to be read.

It would be very easy for me to just throw some words together on a page and just say “I wrote something.” But I am to expect people to read my work, it is only fair that I do two things. Firstly make it legible and actually readable. Secondly, make it interesting.

Now from what I understand, people mainly read for two reasons, either they are interested in the topic at hand, or they find themselves drawn in by well worded works.

Now as I am aware that for the most part the things I am interested in a lot of other people (at least those I have met so far) are not interested in, so if I were to try to write something for them to read, I would either have to make it about something they like, or really try to make it interesting, so they want to.

Thus the conundrum of my writing. They wouldn’t read about what I would unless I made it exhilarating in some way. Which, rather obviously is not a strong suit of mine.

But, if I were to want someone to read something I have written, I have no choice but to do one of those things. And as for the most part I know very little of what interests other people, I have no choice but to try to raw them in by keeping the pace fast and the excitement high.

Admittedly not much of my writing falls into this category, although admittedly I have a few projects that are rather like that, I have them on hold while I am trying to get other things moving.

So, the other category I mentioned. Writing for ideas.

Admittedly this seems a little vague, even to me, but what it means is rather basic. (I think)

A good amount of the inspiration that hits me is for ideas that seem a little outrageous or somewhat unusual, bit it seems to be what I am good at, and people always seem to say things like “Play to your strengths.”

So, when I say I write for the ideas, what I basically mean is, I write because I get ideas that I think are unusual. Ideas that I both like, and think others may not have thought about.

As a couple of examples, “What would happen if Elevators tried to rise up against humanity?” Or “How does a Painting perceive the world?”

But I think it’s fair to saw that a good reason behind my writing is simply because I enjoy it, I like to be productive, and having something to show for my time is something that writing certainly allows me to do. Not only that, it really helps me express myself somewhat, and that, obviously, is rather important.

Now I have only covered a couple of reasons for writing, and even then only talked about two categories, and only my own at that. Other people write for reasons, maybe to inform, to entertain, or to try to shed some light on a matter.

But for whatever reason, writing is an important tool, one to be nurtured. And certainly one to be respected.

I always hate it when people go to art galleries, only to look at works and say things like, “I could have done that.” Or “That could have been done by a child.”  It bothers me because without even a second thought as to the meaning, reasoning or effort behind it, it is already written off. The same goes for writing, it’s very easy to be written off, very quickly.

So why do I write? Because I like it, and because I hope to at least have some small impact.

Maybe others write for the same reason, or it could be vastly different. But that doesn’t make it any more or less important. As to a writer, a writer is a writer. Someone to respect.

We have a tough time, just to shine a little light.

You are reading this, and you have my undying support.

Uninventive

Success

What would people define success as?

I get the impression that some would put success down as a good career. others may say fame, others might want the large house and the money.

Then there are some for whom success is more along the lines of happiness, and depending on who you are and your mindset, happiness could come with some of the above, or possibly even viewing the family life as being a successful one.

Obviously I can’t list all the different types of success on here, partially because I don’t know them all and don’t really want to list everything. But more so because I don’t want to go into this topic in that way. Because I want to talk about what this Blog actually is, within the confines of the topic of success.

Now I mentioned in my last post about the YouTube channel I hope to set up, but that links together with topic of success too.

Three tier creative project for me is as follows.

1- This Blog.

2- My deviantart account.

3- YouTube.

The Blog’s main purpose is to inform, to talk about topics that I feel matter or that are important to me, or sometimes because I hope there are people out there with a similar view or mindset to me. My Deviantart account is there because I really like to draw and am hoping to get back into it again, as well as I have hopes to turn one of my short stories into a web-comic and upload it onto there. And if the Channel’s purpose goes according to plan, it will become a source of what will hopefully be useful information to at least a few people.

So, bringing back the topic of success.

My hopes for the three sites are that people will find them either interesting or informative. Now I acknowledge that I am still in the early days and am basically still getting started, but I will consider myself a success when someone gets something out of them.

I’m not talking a life changing experience from reading something I have put (Though lets not rule that out) but if at some point someone reads a post, or sees a picture that I  have uploaded, and goes away thinking about how they never thought of it that way before, then I shall consider myself a success.

Now I would consider myself a pretty mediocre person, and I guess with that my dreams and aspirations are pretty average, I won’t say small, because I think personally that they are pretty big, but others just might not. I think like a lot of people I would like to end up with a career, a good job at the end. More so about the feeling of being challenged than the monetary side of things, although financial security is obviously important, given that another of my dreams is to one day have a wife, maybe a couple of children. Many years down the line it feels of course, but always bears thinking about.

Now, I said the word mediocre before because of the nature of myself, I think I can honestly say that I have never excelled at anything, I have always been surrounded by people who are incredibly gifted in one way or another, but myself, haven’t been. Although with that comes the ability to quickly learn to do pretty much any task, but I will never excel at it.

So how can I talk about success? How can I, a self proclaimed non-exceller, talk about being a success?

I suppose I can’t.

We live in a very individualistic society, where we are told. “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

Do I believe that? No. I don’t.

You need more than just the willpower. you need the time, you need the inspiration, and this isn’t just inspiration to get started, getting started is easy. You need inspiration to keep pushing you, always be on the lookout for more. And as I said in my last post, you need a little support.

So, what can I say?

I’m not a success yet, but I have the four things I need to become one.

So the only bit of advice (If you can call it that) to becoming a success are these four things.

Four things you will need a constant supply of. Determination/Willpower, Time, Inspiration, and Support.

I wish you all the best.

Work hard, I’ll be rooting for you.

Uninventive

I Was Created

After consideration (of some kind) I felt that the best way of getting one (or maybe more in future) of my short stories up on here was to simply add them as a link at the end, now the question is more one of, will it actually work, and then if it does, what font size should I use?

I suppose experimentation is the only true step forwards from here. So I’ll post it at the end.

But before then I want to say a couple of meaningless-ish things.

On the first of February I wrote a post about the amount of tea-bags I bought, and I calculated that I would run out partway through June. Well I was about right, as I ran out a couple of weeks ago, so yay me, right? I haven’t bought as many recently, although that’s mainly been down to the hot weather recently. I’m so glad that’s almost over.

Now, this next point is rather important as far as I am concerned, but some of you may find it boring, so please bear with me, as I’ll need a few sentences to really get any traction.

A couple of months ago I created a Youtube channel with the intention of, rather obviously, putting up videos. The name of the channel was created in mind of this Blog, with the hope of linking them together. That name has now become what I like to think of as my writing name. I’m not going to fully state it however until I’ve actually gotten some traction on the matter, and who knows when that might actually happen.

But the problem I had was getting traction with what I actually wanted to do with it, I had a few ideas up in the air, and I still do like the idea of maybe doing a lets-play or something along those lines.

But, what I really want to do, is Biblical teachings.

This may bore some of you, but I am really excited, and it’s what I really want to do.

My plan is to go through the book of Ephesians, one chapter at a time, and do half hour videos on what can be leant or taken away from it, hopefully reaching people who haven’t encountered it before.

And if all goes well I may do some other types of videos too, play it by ear I suppose.

It will probably be a couple of months before I actually get them recorded and online, I have to do a lot of prep work for this and really want to get it right.

Sorry this post has been so short, I just wanted to make you all aware of the situation.

I have added the short story below, hopefully it is to your liking, and hopefully it is actually legible.

I was created

Take care

Uninventive

Failings and Hopeful Tips

Little over a month ago I wrote a post giving you all a few updates on the things that were (and still are) happening in my life at the moment, at least with regards to this Blog and its related projects.

One of the updates was that I had written a couple of short stories to enter into a contest.

Well, first off, I only entered two of them, as the third, titled ‘Elevator Uprising’ hit a bit of a snag when I became disappointed with the direction the ending was heading and stopped working on it, and still haven’t finished it yet.

So, I only entered the other two, titled ‘Conscious Subconscious’ and ‘I Was Created’

And I saw today that I wasn’t short-listed.

Naturally, I was a little disappointed.

Now, they, I think in the next week or so, are going to release and publish the winners on to their website, so at least then I will know what I lost to. Not to say that the judges wouldn’t have the right decision, that would just be pride talking on my part. I would just like to see.

I think the part that bothers me is that I was really hoping for a positive turn, writing is a big thing for me so its a bit of a blow to the system.

Now, before I bore you all with my soppy story completely, I’m going to hopefully find an answer to the question I have been asking myself lately.

“What is a Blog supposed to be?”

It seems like a lot of the time I’ve only been using it as a sort of ranting page, where I can complain about my day, never really offering anything in return. And I think that’s where I’ve been going wrong.

I feel I should at least be offering you something, maybe an insight, maybe advice, maybe some tips?

The trouble is. I can’t do that, I’m not all that smart. And to be honest, if you search for just about anything these days there will almost always be a ton of posts, videos and websites commenting on it already.

So, how do you be original in a world where pretty much everything that can be done, has been?

I guess this I know a little about as I am actually trying to make a lasting impact.

So, here goes.

– Don’t try to be original, there is no such thing. If you have an idea, a goal you want to aim for, just try to hit it, don’t let those stand in your way.

– they say that to fully achieve something, you should dedicate 100% of your time an effort to that task. Now with this clearly not being practical, setting aside time for the goal is the better way, even if it is just an hour a week, that’s still more progress than none at all.

– Find support, but not too much. I have no idea if I have done this right or not, but the way I have worked all this out is, I have a few close friends who know I have a Blog, but although they know I have it, I never told them the actual name, only hints, so I have no idea if they have read it or not.

I’m getting sidetracked on this last point. You want people to support you in what you are endeavouring to accomplish, but I would say you only want a few, close people who will check up on your progress and review it (Should it be something that needs reviewing) but you don’t want too many of them, else the you would probably wind up feeling the pressure of it.

The way I have worked this is by only giving hints of the website to those who are interested, and then at least if they actively seek it out I will know they are actually interested.

In this respect, I don’t think I ever plan on revealing myself, at least not for the time being.

Anyway, I hope those pointers turn out useful, even if only to one of you, I’ll feel somewhat useful again then at least.

I’ll probably put one of the short stories up here in due time, at least if I work out how best to go about doing that.

Take care

Uninventive

A topic of Marriage

I think this may be the first time I try to make an effort to talk about something important.

“Do you have a girlfriend.”

I don’t get asked the question frequently, but whenever I do get asked it, and I give the simple answer of; “No, I don’t” the most common response I get is something along the lines of, “Better off alone.” “Save your money” or “Yeah good on you.”

So, I would like to raise a point on this matter.

My reasons for being single are not in an effort to save any money or because I think it’s better that way. I am single because I am to terrified and shy to ask a particular woman out. By that I mean meet for a drink, you know, just to chat, that sort of thing. I mean I admittedly have no idea as to whether or not she would even be willing to accept my offer.

Is that the scary part?

Kind of. I mentioned in my last post how I feel about the idea of relationships, and what it is about them that terrifies me. So, you couple that, with the fact that the woman in question is far too good for me, and you can connect the dots as to why I am too nervous to fully say anything.

Right, now that that is out of the way, back to the matter at hand.

I spoke to a woman the other day who, from what I could take away from our brief chat, was that she was a recent divorcee, and she commented on how she “had felt she would better off single, but should have stayed married.” (I paraphrase)

But honestly, this is a testament to the current view that seems to be going.

“I’ll be happier in a relationship.” “I’ll be happier single.”

And while yes, it is a possibility, it seems that what I hear a lot of is people wanting the opposite of what they have.

What is it people say? The grass is always greener on the other side. But only because it has been fertilised with bullshit.

I feel like I’m treading on shaky ground here, but what the heck, sometimes you have to tread on toes to make a point right?

So I think that all can be a good thing. Yes it can be good to be in a relationship, or married, while at the same time it can also be good to be single. I’m not putting more emphasis on any, because provided they are used right, all can be brilliant.

But I do feel a little that if you think you will be happier outside of a relationship, and leave solely for that purpose, you may struggle.

Obviously situations can vary and I don’t want to generalise, but that doesn’t change how I feel.

My friend Diamond (whom I mentioned once before under the name ‘Curls’) and I were discussing the idea of relationships and wives the other day. One of the things he said to me was that he views the idea of a relationship and marriage as the next big step for him, as he is a working professional with a full career. (Something I admit I don’t have yet.)

But for me, that line of thinking makes sense, and I am more than happy to support him in his search, much as I know he is supportive of mine.

The impression I get from the culture I live in, more so in my old work place than my current one, is that getting married young seems to be incredibly frowned upon, while a bloke in my position would be expected to, excuse my lingo, ‘play the field’ and ‘just enjoy it’

But honestly, I just don’t see the appeal behind that.

Within my church environment there are a good number of younger couples, and though it tries it’s hardest to treat both the same, there seems to be a bit of an unspoken and unwritten rule that single people seem to gain slightly less notice than the married ones, though I’m certain this isn’t an intentional thing. Given a brief topic of conversation I had the other night.

But all in all, even given how some work places frown upon it, I am all for the idea of marriage at a younger age.

Just to make this clear, when I say ‘Young’ or ‘Younger’ I’m still talking consenting adults, I just mean those at around my age, 21-24, that kind of area.

Personally, I don’t know if right now I could properly handle being married, maybe within the next year or so, but nothing is set in stone, and given that I still have to approach with even a shred of confidence, I think it may still be a way off.

Still, please feel sorry for whoever my wife ends up being, she will need all the sympathy she can get.

I think that’s it for now.

Uninventive

For Birdie and Curls

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past.

I’ve said before that I don’t want this to just become an outlet for when I am in a down mood, or just a depressing string of posts, but I suppose sometimes this can’t be avoided.

I only really bring this up because I’ve been reviewing a lot of things recently, the thoughts of most of which were brought on by the topic of a conversation I had at work today.

I can’t be a good blogger or even conversationalist without being at least somewhat open. So here goes.

I had a discussion today with my two closest workplace friends and colleagues. (By which I mean they are both) about a young woman I happen to be rather drawn towards. (I’m weakly avoiding being two blunt here)

One of them already knew who it was, having worked it out, either from my lack of subtlety or picking up on something I hadn’t, maybe even both. The other doesn’t know who, but it pretty adamant on finding out. (Tomorrow if things go as I expect them to)

Now, with these two being my closest workplace fiends I am more than happy to keep them in the loop, and to let them know what goes on.

My true issues stem from a much deeper place.

I am terrified of the prospect of a relationship.

My first and only one, lasted about a year and a half, and ended nearly two years ago now, but the repercussions still last.

I had no idea what I was doing at the time, and to be honest, feel that if I were to enter another one, still wouldn’t. I made so many mistakes, hurt her dramatically, and then it took me a long time afterwards to actually begin to learn from what I did.

When it first ended, I felt vulnerable, and was actually able to let my emotions surface for the first time in a long time. But now I’m beginning to understand, the vulnerability that I felt back then, is nothing compared to what I feel now.

The prospect of opening up again, I don’t know how I feel about it.

During the last six months or so, maybe a little longer, of my former relationship, I started to transform into a truly horrible person.

And the worst part of this, is some of him still remains.

I  know that people change over time, I am aware that the events around us change how we think, how we act, how we respond to things. But looking back, the way I responded, the way I acted during certain times, both towards her, but actually I think even more so towards my own family, was just disgraceful.

And I will forever be haunted by these, some events that happened almost two years ago I can still remember clearly, I recall the events and even more so than that, I recall the aftermath.

You can’t undo the past.

I suppose the only way forward is to learn from it and move on.

The trouble for me is, I didn’t realise at the time what was going on with me, the changes I was undergoing, because I was so blinded.

And that’s the main thing that frightens me now.

I’m terrified that if I go through with this, I’ll be blinded again, and the sheds of horrible Unin will grow to become a fully fledged awful Unin.

So how do I progress?

I know that one of my work friends already approves the match, the other just wants to validate I guess.

But that’s okay with me.

So I put out the question, to the empty abyss of the internet.

How should I, Unin Ventive progress with this?

I have a lot of apologies to make, most of which won’t happen, either through my own pride (I’m working on it) or though a lack of seeing the person again.

But if I were to see her again, I would be open in my apologies. I would admit to the mistakes I had made, for the hurt I caused. For the times I should have just swallowed my pride and admitted I was wrong, and for the times I didn’t show her the respect she deserved.

I think I will ask this young woman out, as soon as I can work up the courage, and find the right time, and actually work out if she could actually even be interested in the first place.

Having my two work friends by my side is certainly going to help with this though, and so I am incredibly grateful to have the both of them, Birdie and Curls, you two are great.

I’ll see you soon

Uninventive