The Immortal King of New York

I lost him today.

So, I suppose he wasn’t immortal.

The film of course is, but Frank wasn’t.

I should probably clarify what I mean by this. One of my goldfish was named after Christopher Walken’s character in the movie, Frank White.

I know that a lot of people, when a fish dies, just flush it or bury it or something, but I’m having a very difficult time deciding how best to deal with his death. A few people may think this is a rather strange thing, but for me, my fish are a huge part of me, and I am very attached to them. So having one of them die is a devastating moment for me.

I tried, I really tried to do all I could to make him better, but whatever it was that took him struck fast and there was pretty much no time in which I could actually do anything to help him.

Of course, this doesn’t make it any less painful for me.

All I can truly hope for now is that the others aren’t too saddened by the loss of their brother, I mean I expect them to be saddened, but I am hoping not so much that they fall ill themselves.

To give you guys an idea though, I’ll give you a run down.

Big Tank.

– Lemon ‘The Whale’ Monsterfish – Lemon Goldfish

– Golled II – Regular Goldfish

– Lips ‘Tick’ – Regular Goldfish

– Comet – Black Comet

– Forehead – Redcap Oranda

– Marsellus Wallace – Shubunkin

– Al Capone – Ryukin

– Whiskers – Spotted Weather Loach

Small Tank

– Pomegranate – Siamese Fighter

– Snap, Crackle, Pop – Clown Loaches

– Tom Hanks – Flying Fox

Some of these may seem like rather strange names, but I acquired each fish at a separate time, so wasn’t thinking of a particular pattern, and for some the names match the colour, or the type of fish.

For example, my Flying Fox is named Tom Hanks, because he played the character Joe Fox in You’ve got mail. The Fox matches.

Pomegranate is named as he is because of his colouring.

And when I saw Al Capone in the shop I named him so because he was being territorial in a tactical way, something I had not seen a fish do before.

Anyway I guess that’s it for now.

See ya

Uninventive

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Updates

In the words of GlaDOS, “It’s been a long time. How have you been?”

The last time I posted anything on here was over a month ago, and I’ve been meaning to come back on-line and say something else, It just, kinda hasn’t happened.

There have been a few times when I have had something on my mind to post, but most often it’s been when I’ve been out and about, or just in a really bad mood, and I don’t want this to just become an outlet for when I am upset, although I admit it is useful for that purpose.

So, without further ado, a few quick and meaningless updates.

– I recently went away for a week, down to near Lands End, got a few nice pictures and also got a little burnt. But more importantly, saw two of the most beautiful coast scenes I have ever seen. St Ives, and Lands End itself. St Ives has a beauty that I honestly don’t think can be compared to anything else I have ever seen. The buildings aren’t on the coastline, they are almost a part of it. I can’t even do it justice with words. Lands End was also incredible to look at, though in a different way, as it is mostly cliff.

– I have also written three short stories recently, which I plan on entering into a competition within the next few days. I don’t want to say much about them as they have to be unpublished and so on, you understand. But I will say who the protagonists are. Story One, the protagonist is an Elevator. Story Two, the protagonist is a Subconscious. And Story Three, the protagonist is a Painting. Once the competition has ended I will probably post them up here.

– I am still tinkering around with my recording and editing software, as myself and a couple of buddies have decided to use our gaming time slightly more productively, and share it with those of the on-line community who are interested in watching. At the moment I am still trying to find an editing software I can work with, as I am not exactly the most literate person when it comes to computers.

– In conjunction with the above statement, I am in the throws of linking together all of my different pages and accounts and so forth. Linking this Blog with my Deviantart account, and my hopefully upcoming Twitter and Youtube, as I want this to all be linked and easily transverse-able.

Nothing else particularly springs to mind that I need to update you all on.

If anything comes to mind though of course I will attempt to be prompt in informing you all. And if I can get around to it I plan on actually posting on here frequently again.

Stay Frosty

Uninventive

Decisions

We all make them, not all are concious, and most of them are so trivial that we don’t even view them as the choice that they were. But this doesn’t make them any less important.

I made the decision to be lazy and not bother uploading anything on here for over a month. Whether or not I like that conclusion is irrelevant, it was made.

It took me a long time to realise and discover fully for myself that, the majority of the time, most decisions are for the most part positive, even if the connotation behind them is not what it first seemed. Now obviously I’m not going to start up the debate on the differences between “Everything happens for a reason” and “There are no mistakes, only life lessons.” I think that treading into that ground is like walking on an ice rink. You know the ice is there and therefore argue that because you can see it, you won’t slip. But the inevitable truth is, you will.

I’m not a psychologist, Sociologist, or anything with a background in how the mind works and how we process the things around us. Heck, half the time, I have no idea how to process my own thoughts. Most of my decision time is spent making the decision to think about the decision at hand, and then not really coming to a conclusion. (Obviously this is more so for the larger ones, I don’t spend an hour a day thinking about what socks to wear.)

I’m not going to pretend that I know what I’m talking about here, I feel that a good number of people, when faced with a big decision ahead, will talk to someone, not necessarily¬†to get advice, but just sometimes because it is useful to gain other perspectives.

Sometimes, to an over-thinker such as myself, it’s easy to feel trapped, going over every possible angle and trying to measure everything up. This for me falls quite nicely into the “No mistakes” philosophy, although I tend to wind up viewing it the other way around. That every possible decision is just a mistake waiting to happen, a problem that my narrow mind will just dig deeper and make worse.

One of the easiest things to do when struck with this is to sit and wallow. And I do that, a lot. I’m good at it.

So, can I offer a solution, or even some form of answer to the plights of this topic? Absolutely not.

In fact I’m willing to make the speculation that most people out there are better at the practicalities of decision making than I am. Of course everyone has different situations and backgrounds that affect how they perceive things, some may not be as free to make as many as others.

Some people are better at making on the spot decisions and are good at thinking on their feet, while others are better when they have time to think things through. and there are others in between. I don’t think there is a set or ‘proper’ way of looking at them, just embrace the way that you do.

I stated a few posts back how I am with poetry, but there has been some I have written in the past, more as an outlet when I’ve been in a down kind of mood. Some of it fits quite well with the emotions of a decision-less struggle. Well, at least if I chop and change.

I can offer no advice nor answers. Only rant into the empty abyss that is the internet.

And I enjoy the feeling of getting it out there, not looking for anything back, not even expecting people to read it. Just the knowledge that it is there.

To all the Uninventive-ettes out there, just do your best.

Uninventive

Mood Swings

I think everyone gets them, they can strike at any time and sometimes for seemingly no reason.

I find that they can come at the strangest of times, and for seemingly no reason.

Sometimes, like this evening, I get struck by a mood that I don’t fully understand, I find myself unable to find the motivation to do anything. Even if it is something I would usually enjoy doing.

This evening I found myself on the floor, without the motivation or emotional strength to move, I didn’t want to listen to anything, watch anything, speak to anyone or do anything.

I find that for me, I don’t know where the issue comes from, it just seems to arise from time to time and I have no way of getting rid of it.

I have no idea if this is a common thing that other people encounter or not, but if it is then that is possibly something that would be helpful to find out about.

I have no idea where I am going with this.

Probably because I am still in that mood.

Even writing these brief few words has been a struggle so far, and while I would love to turn around and say “Lets open a discussion about this.” I don’t know if I can even do that.

With any luck I’ll be able to say something more meaningful tomorrow.

Uninventive

Poetry

Its been a long time since I tried writing poetry.

Looking back, the last time I actually gave it a proper go was about three years ago, and they were all depressing and and a bit dreary.

The issue I take is that poetry has such a wide variety of forms, and, despite the fact that I studied poetry in various forms for about a year back when I was still in school, I still find it strange.

For me and my simple mind, when I read poetry I expect it to have a set flow and rhyming pattern to it, You know, Like A,A,B,B or A,B,A,B something like that. (I’ll skip the obvious ABBA joke)

As a result of my simplicity, almost every poem that I have previously attempted to write, bar maybe one, has adhered to one of the really basic rules.

However with today’s I attempted to break through the barriers I put before myself.

Truth be told, even though I am rather pleased with the end result, I think I will stick to what I so far enjoy doing, and get the impression I am getting better at.

Ideas.

Be they for my short stories, longer stories, posts or even the Webcomic I want to start on soon, I always have ideas for something or other flowing through my mind.

I think what stemmed the thoughts behind the poem I wrote today was a feeling of loneliness. Well, actually not loneliness so much, I’ve grown used to being solitary, but I think the fact I feel this true wanting to do this webcomic idea, but being unable to draw properly, or use computer drawing software at all really, puts me in a bit of a bind, what’s the use of having the creative juices if they are unable to flow?

Of course, having the ability to write is incredibly useful, but when it comes to story writing, I’m usually lacking on the plot, I mean, I’m great with developing characters and working out the small details, but I guess its something I need to work on.

I think I’ll put up the poem as a separate post, it seems like a more sensible thing to do.

That’s all.

Uninventive

Four Mugs

I cleaned four of my mugs today.

Some people think I am unusual because of my antics involving the way I treat my tea mugs, but lets face facts here, I am unusual for far more reasons than that, this mug thing, that’s just the tip of the iceberg so to speak.

The way I function is pretty basic at its core, I make a cup of tea, drink it, and then use the same mug to make another one maybe an hour later.

Sometimes the gap isn’t even that long.

I think the thing that bothers people though, is that I don’t tend to wash it between drinks, they can go weeks without getting a thorough scrubbing. In fact the mug I kept at work managed to go for over two years, rinsed every time of course, I’m not a complete slob, but not scrubbed.

But this evening I scrubbed down all four of the mugs I use. (I have a Fifth but its presently full of salt sachets)

I admit they look a lot nicer now.

I would chalk my reasoning for for doing this down to three main reasons.

– Try as hard as I can to be productive all the time, I’m often lazy as fuck.

– The tea actually tastes better in my opinion when the mug is like this.

– I just don’t care what the people who see it think.

I have somehow managed to assert myself within the workplace as the cheerful, amusing and relaxed person, when, in reality, I’m pretty far from being any of them.

My nature has somehow become so that when around people, no matter who they are, I become like this. I mean the fact that I don’t take issue with how strange people think I am is pretty true, but the reason I became this way initially was more of a defence mechanism anyway.

Although I wouldn’t change it.

Being this person has allowed me to view people and observe them from a safe distance, while being as close as I like. I am exposed for my weird antics, and as they see that I am confident in my strange eating habits or pathetic sense of humour, they open up and expose themselves.

I know that this makes me seem like a cold and callous individual, forcing them to expose while I stay hidden, and while this may have been true initially, as I have grown, been beaten down, and learned, my strange personality and traits have become my own.

It may be seen as acting, but its pretty much who I am.

The mugs and my lack of cleaning them just showcase a little bit of who I am, and while I am cheerful around people, I get pretty miserable on my own. I’m amusing to myself because no one else finds my jokes funny. Relaxed is a strange one, because in reality I am, unless something catches me off balance.

For me, when things are at there clearest, is when I am the happiest.

My mugs now look beautiful, but only so long as I let them.

Uninventive

Fleece Vs Hoodie

Since I was about 17, I think very few days have gone by that I haven’t worn a fleece.

My initial one was dark blue and I gained it initially for use during my Duke of Edinburgh expedition. After which I just kept on wearing it on a daily basis. Probably due to a range of reasons.

-It was comfortable.

-It had three zippable pockets, all of a fairly decent size.

-It was warm without being too thick.

Eventually my friends in College got tired of seeing it everyday and bought me a new one, a mild grey, and though I didn’t wear it as often as the blue one, I still own both.

Then, when I first started working, they provided me with one. It was a similar feel to the first two, which was a huge plus, and though it was completely black, it was still able to not be too warm in summer.

And, although unlike my first one, it only had two pockets, the design of them meant that I could store items in the section that is, to all intents and purposes, outside the pocket. easily able to store at least three A5 notepads, or, to put it a little more in perspective, 6 DVD cases without breaking a sweat.

However, during the colder winter months, having a jumper underneath on the way to work (My work shirt is quite thin) certainly doesn’t go amiss.

It was at about this time last year that I lost three jumpers, all within quick succession of each other.

-The first I spilled milk on while on a night shift, and as I knew it would have dried up and stank before I would have been able to get home to wash it, I binned it. (So I guess not lost Per-Se)

-The second I left in the car of someone who gave me a lift, and I never saw that one again.

-The third, which was easily my favourite of the bunch, I left in a restaurant I went to, and when I went back too fetch it the next day they had already gotten rid of it. (This one was a nice dark green, I had owned it for years and even spilled a little dab of orange paint on it, though that didn’t change my feelings for it.)

So this year, with the mornings being colder again, I decided it was time to replace them.

With a How To Train Your Dragon style, Toothless Hoodie.

I don’t even care, I think its awesome.

The trouble is, I have never owned a Hoodie. At least, not that I can remember. The hood felt weird pressing against the back of my neck, and having it up on my head just felt wrong, and even though I knew I was fully covered and it kept me warm, I still felt exposed.

I’m wondering if this feeling simply comes from my being so used to Fleece’s, so I am hoping that I will grow used to it somewhat.

Though it is warm, and that is what is important, although I admit I had to keep checking my pockets every few seconds to make sure nothing had fallen out. (Nothing did)

But I will make every effort to get used to wearing it, because I think its awesome, and I don’t even care that people may think it is weird.

Toothless!

See ya.

Uninventive